Devotions
from The Woods @Wanamaker
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Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him, He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; He is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. Psalm 62:5-8
I came to Wanamaker in 2002 as an associate pastor. My husband was having some medical issues that affected his thinking process. So when I came on staff here at Wanamaker unfortunately no one here ever got to know the real Arnie Ruecker that used to be. Arnie suffered from dementia with paranoia and delusion disorder caused by his severe heart condition. In the last 5 years of his life, he also had Parkinson's disease. It was a really rough 10 years and especially the last five. Arnie was a man that had a great big heart and would do anything for anybody. He served the Lord with his whole heart and He loved his family dearly. When this horrible disease took over he became a person that I didn’t even know. The first five years were hard because I didn’t understand what was happening. After I educated myself on the disease of dementia and how it affected people I better understood how to cope with the outbursts that only came every so often. But as the disease progressed so did the paranoia and delusions. I began to go to counseling so I had a place to vent. I had tried to go to support groups only to be told that I was living in a dangerous situation and needed to move out. I knew I could never do that. My wedding vows were too special to me and I had made a vow to God for better or worse, in sickness and in health… So I sought out a Christian counselor that I could go to. One that wasn’t affiliated with my church and didn’t know me as a pastor but as a wife who had a husband that was suffering from a horrible disease called dementia. I also was surrounded by a loving staff that walked beside me every step of this long, long journey. There were days I didn’t think I could go on and then there were days that seemed very normal and I would question if this was real or not. But then the delusions and paranoia would hit and I knew it was definitely real! The biggest problem was the fact that the paranoid delusions prevented him from wanting to seek help for his condition. And my hands were tied because of all the HIPPA laws that are in place. I lived in the Psalms, and daily and sometimes many times during the day, I would claim those promises as my own. I had to totally trust that my Jesus would fulfill those promises. That He would be my Rock and my Redeemer. That He would deliver me from all my fears. That He was definitely a shelter in the time of storms. I prayed many times Psalm 39:1, “ Lord help me to watch my ways and keep my tongue from sinning, please put a muzzle over my mouth as long as the wicked are in my presence.” It was amazing how God would hear and answer my prayers. My counselor helped me to see that I need to hate the disease and love the person. To know that this person wasn’t Arnie but his illness. She helped me to make it my motto to “Keep the treasures and throw away the trash.” It has been amazing how God has never wasted the experience I went through with Arnie’s illness. I can’t tell you how many women and men have set across from me that are going or have gone on this journey with their spouse or a member of their family. I know some of you are there right now and are wondering how to cope with all of the things that come from this disease. I don’t have any magic cure or any mighty words of wisdom except to say, God is your refuge and your strength. Be in the Word and live in the Psalms. Call on Him and don’t try to manage all this by yourself. Seek out someone to talk to, to be a sounding board for all the frustrations that come. (I’m always available!) And always remember to keep the treasures of the good lucid times and throw away the trash! It’s been 6 years now since Arnie went to be with Jesus and I am amazed sometimes how He has erased all the bad memories and have replaced them memorial ones. God is so GOOD!!! Pastor Fran
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AuthorNotes from the Staff @The Woods Archives
March 2023
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